I will learn from my mistakes....

& i will! Ive been taking things hard, but today (during my 8 hr. shift of complete boredum...) I have looked at what I have. Yes we are short on money... its life and we will deal with that, we will cut back on what we can but things could be much worse right. I have 2 wonderful boys that i love with all my heart. A wonderful husband that is trying his best to fix my mistake, and unlike everyone else is on my side and understands everything. I love you baby. So enough of the sulking and all that stuff... Im gonna try and just be happy.

On monday me and the boys will be trying to get into more play groups, they make me happy. Not only for me to met more ppl and try to get out of my shyness but jacob does great with the kids. I really need friends in my life and with me being so shy it just doesnt work out, I see everyone with their friends and feel like im inturding into something i dont belong in.

The boys are doing ok, john is more active and is smiling and laughing... its so cute! Jacob for some reason hasnt been sleeping well at all... he's been sleeping on my shoulder at night, and if I move him to the center of the bed he wakes up and starts screaming and crying... if he wakes up when i go make john a bottle he will do the same thing... not sure what is wrong with him its been 2 nights of  this.

So today im sitting here at work, thinking about how much im fucking my family. Kyle bailed me out of the negatives with my bank only to go a few dollar's in the negative with his bank and he's the one that pay's our bills. What the hell am I doing? Im setting myself up on a payment plan for him, that just means i really need to start selling more avon to make it up. $1320.... thats a lot of money. I will get through this, we will get through this together we always do, but its just hard, when we start doing better something always happens... and it just sucks that its me that did it. Its just hitting me hard...ok.. enough bitching for now, I will update our day later tonight

Life is falling down around me. I am so stressed out, money, time, life in general. It doesnt help that i am so stupid to have fallen for this stupid scam... and that the damn bank isnt helping at all. I would have never pulled out the money if they didnt tell me that the money was good and was in my account. Now im $1320 in debt... what the hell am i suppost to do? I only work about 24 hrs a week because i can't work with out a sitter and yet i cant afford a sitter. I have no friends. That is not a under statement. The only friend i used to have is now my sister in law and she has nothing to do with me anymore, she has her own life and i have mine. I never get to do anything with my husband anymore, he is either sleeping or i am sleeping. very little "us" time. Life just sucks now... im trying to turn it around its just not that easy...